Couldn't Wait For You
by TheSyndra
Summary: Elsa's always had trouble connecting with people, but something's different about Anna. [ElsAnna, mAU, Smut will happen, not a oneshot].
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **It's been sooo long since I wrote something. Or maybe it hasn't been that long, but it just feels like it. This will be multichaptered (not a word) or something. I had an idea and I'm writing it down.

**Warnings: **[Mental Problems, Drinking].

* * *

><p><strong><span>This is Prologue-ish<span>  
><strong>

"It's like she doesn't have arms," the nurse says, and Elsa blinks up at her before looking down, because she's pretty sure she has _arms_. Her mother makes a sad noise behind her and Elsa is thoroughly lost. "Mentally speaking," the nurse continues, " — she can't reach out to people, doesn't have the ability to make connections like that."

Elsa doesn't really understand what the nurse is saying, but from her mother's facial expression she can tell that it's probably not good. She reaches over and pats her hand and says, "It's okay, Mama. I'm fine."

Her mother smiles down at her and oddly, Elsa thinks, it looks like she might cry. "See, she's such a sweet girl," her mother says, looking up at the nurse. She sounds so, so sad.

"There are plenty of people who don't form bonds," the nurse says. "She can probably be a CEO, you know? She'll be able to go about so freely. She can backpack across the world and live in the mountains or the trees."

Elsa laughs at that and slaps her hand over her face. "I'm not living in the _trees_," she says. "You can't ice skate up there."

"She'll be okay," the nurse continues. "In the end it won't be as big a deal as it seems right now."

Elsa's mother doesn't talk the entire car ride home, but once they're in the house, she kneels in front of Elsa and asks, "Did you understand what the nurse was saying?"

"Yes," Elsa says, and it's not a lie. She understood all the words that the nurse used perfectly.

Her mother smiles, but she still looks like she might cry. "She's saying you don't have the ability to connect with people." Elsa nods, trying to appear serious, and her mother sighs. "She meant that you'll probably never fall in love or find a partner, Snowflake. But it's okay. You're never going to be alone because you'll always have your family. I want you to understand that." She hugs Elsa tightly, too tightly, but Elsa doesn't say anything. She just leans against her mother's shoulder and takes in a deep breath.

She doesn't understand what she's saying. She's never going to be alone. She'll always have her Mama and Papa. There's nothing to worry about. Or at least she thinks there's nothing to worry about, until that night when her parents start yelling again.

"We have to send her upstate," Elsa's mother says. Elsa crouches in the corner and covers her ears with her hands.

"We're not sending her to that fucking place," her fathers says roughly.

Elsa can't cover her ears hard enough to block out their yelling. She can always hear them, even when she does_ this_.

"She can hear you," her mother snaps. "And we have to acknowledge that she's _different_."

"She's just a little slow on her social skills, she'll catch up."

"I'm not saying she's _failing_ at anything," her mother tries to reason. "I'm just saying there are people who are better equipped to teach her and help her and show her how to lead a healthy life."

Elsa knows her father is angry by the way he's clenching his jaw and his fists and maybe even his toes, although Elsa can't see those through his shoes. She curls into a ball and lies on the floor with her hands still over her ears. In her mind she tries to picture ice, cold and even and quiet, and absolutely without feeling.

It always makes her feel better.

— — —

Elsa's twenty-one when she finally enters college. It's not because she's not smart enough, it's because everyone in her life had to be sure she'd be _mentally _prepared. To be honest, she still doesn't understand half of what the doctors say, but she knows it's serious enough that people are worried about her.

The thing is, Elsa doesn't think she _can't _form connections, she just doesn't really want to. She's sure if she _tried _she could, maybe.

The debate over whether or not she should have a roommate lasts three weeks and it ends with Elsa's mother in tears and Elsa signed up to be rooming with a random, most likely fresh out of high school, girl. It's supposed to better her social skills, she's supposed to be ready for this. It's why she went to that special school upstate and wasn't allowed to ice skate anymore.

She's not sure how to feel so she decides not to think about it.

In fact she doesn't really think much of it until she's awkwardly standing in a room alone with the girl she's supposed to spend this next year with.

"I'm Anna," the girl says and Elsa fidgets. Okay, it's more like a twitch because the girl is sticking out her hand and Elsa doesn't want to take it. "It's okay, I don't bite, I promise."

"I don't have arms," Elsa says.

And, _fuck_. That's not what she meant to say. It's not even what she was thinking.

"Sure you do," Anna says with a smile. It looks playful, but she could also be laughing at Elsa. It wouldn't be the first time someone's done that. "I can _see_ them. Right there. By your sides."

"I meant in my head," Elsa says, like that means something. "Well, I mean I can't reach out to people." Anna quirks a brow and Elsa sighs deeply. This isn't going well, even she can tell. "I mean it's hard for me to make friends."

"You can start with your name," Anna says.

Elsa takes in a deep breath, bites her lip, and then takes Anna's hand. She smiles, a genuine smile as opposed to the kind of scary fake one she was just wearing a minute ago, and says, "Hi, I'm Elsa."

It's all pretty smooth, only Elsa doesn't actually let go of Anna's hand. It's not like she's never done a handshake before, she knows the etiquette. She _knows _she's not supposed to hold on this long, but something's stopping her from letting go and she can't figure it out.

Anna smiles even wider, not even bothered by the handshake that seems to never end. "That's a nice name, you excited about college?" Elsa's fingers are still curved around Anna's and it's all she can think about. "Do you like holding my hand?" Anna asks out of nowhere, and Elsa flinches and drops her hand so fast that she's pretty sure it can be considered rude.

"I don't think I'd say I'm necessarily _excited_."

"I don't mind you holding my hand," Anna says, and Elsa takes a step back because that's a little weird or a little personal or… well, Elsa doesn't quite have the word to describe how she feels because she's never felt this way before. The closest she can get in her mind is _fluttery. _Anna's eyes widen and then she's giggling. "That was a joke, Els. Lighten up."

The thing about not having much social experience is that in situations like this, Elsa doesn't know if she should laugh or not. But Anna did say it was a _joke_, so Elsa throws her head back and gives it her best laugh and that manages to get Anna going even more.

When she finally calms down she pats Elsa's shoulder and bats her lashes. Her eyes are really pretty and sparkly. Elsa absolutely did not just think that. "You're hilarious, Els," Anna says, and then she turns to start unpacking her boxes.

— — —

By the end of her first day Elsa knows two things:

Anna's the life of the party, and since they're roommates, Elsa is also the life of the party. Everyone thinks it's hilarious she introduced herself as not having any arms. Elsa didn't know she was this funny before today, but she's not opposed to the attention she gets, especially when it seems to be positive. Everyone also seems to look up to her since she's twenty-one, and apparently has this life experience that she can't seem to locate herself.

She gets even more popular once she goes out to buy drinks for the first years, which leads to the second thing she knows by the end of the day: Anna's a lightweight.

Elsa knows what that term means because she read a book on college terminology on the flight over here. And even though she doesn't drink it should probably take more than three beers before a person can't sit up straight, she thinks. Anna grabs onto her shoulder, leaning against her so much that if Elsa moved she'd slide off the couch. Elsa wraps her arm around Anna and hauls her up a little, trying to get her straighter, and Anna responds by bringing her arm around Elsa's waist, landing on a patch of skin where her shirt's ridden up. With anyone else, Elsa would probably be uncomfortable, but with Anna it doesn't really bother her. _Odd_.

After a while, Anna falls asleep, her head on Elsa's shoulder.

"You two seem close," some guy says. Elsa can't remember his name.

"We just met today," Elsa says. She doesn't know what else to say. Without Anna awake to do most of the talking she's sort of lost.

The guy laughs. "Wow, I thought you two were sisters or something. I'm Kristoff, by the way."

Kristoff seems nice enough. He's big with blonde hair and he's wearing a beanie. Elsa nods. "I'm Elsa."

"Right," Kristoff says. "No arms."

"Yeah, I guess that spread pretty fast."

"It's hilarious anyway. You could be known for worse, I guess," Kristoff says. And then he's off to get more beer and Elsa's just alone with a sleeping Anna.

Half an hour later, Anna whispers, "You have arms."

Elsa nudges her a little. "Anna? You awake?"

"Not really," Anna says, sighing so heavily that Elsa shivers at the breath on her neck. "Just thought you should know. You've got arms."

Elsa isn't quite sure what that means anymore, but Anna says it like a compliment so Elsa pats her on the head. "Thanks," she says.

"Thank you," Anna says back. And then she's asleep again.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **These chapters probably won't be too long because I don't have a ton of free time, so it's easier to get it out in smaller pieces. Which I'm fine with doing because I just want to write.

Anyway, I'll put more notes after.

**Not everything I write requires warnings, (:**

* * *

><p>Elsa likes routine.<p>

It's one of the tricks, one of the things she's learned to help manage her life. She's very good at it. It's why she's got nearly everything mapped out on her schedule and why she's already up and showered and dressed at eight in the morning. She doesn't have a class until ten, but she knows Anna has an eight-thirty. Which means she's probably going to be late considering she's still asleep.

Elsa doesn't know whether she should wake Anna or use this time to call her mother. It feels like something people would do, call their parents before the first day of class. Maybe it's a big deal. Anna talked a lot about it, picked out an outfit and everything. But now she's going to oversleep. Which is probably another reason Elsa should really wake her.

But, _well_. Between her mother and Anna, her mother's just a tap away. She's got her on speed dial, not so much as a thing to be considered a sweet touch, but more of an '_in the event of a cluster fuck press three_' sort of way. This isn't a cluster fuck, though. It's just the first day of class. So maybe she doesn't really need to call her mother.

Guess the only thing left to do is wake Anna.

Walking over to Anna's bed is easy enough, just a few steps across the room. The hard part is figuring out how to actually navigate this situation. Elsa's never really had to wake anyone before, doesn't know if this is considered polite or rude. Anna looks so peaceful, though. She's got an arm thrown over her head and her hair looks a little ruffled and _fuck. _Now her eyes are open.

Anna sees Elsa and immediately jumps, then she stills and says, "What the shit, Els?" She wipes her eyes with the back of her hand and lifts up a little. "Were you just watching me sleep?"

"You're going to be late for class," Elsa says. She realizes too late that she probably should have started with an explanation, or _anything_ more explanative than that.

"It's fine, I — " Anna yawns and scratches at her hair before looking over at the clock near her bed. "Forgot to set my alarm I guess. Why're you up so early anyway? Thought your first class is at ten."

"It is. I like to be prepared."

"Oh," Anna says, and Elsa can see her filing that fact away. She stares blankly at her sheets for a while before clearing her throat. "I should probably get ready then."

Elsa's not entirely sure, but she thinks maybe Anna's uncomfortable so she takes a step back and says, "I wasn't trying to watch you sleep. I just didn't know if you wanted me to wake you or not."

"It's okay, I was just a little startled." Anna smiles, but Elsa can tell it's a bit forced. She can't help feeling like she fucked this whole thing up. She probably should have just called her mother.

Elsa puts her hands in her pockets and looks down. "I know I'm not really _normal_," she says, shoving the toe of her shoe into the carpet, " — but there are some things even _I_ know aren't socially acceptable. I wouldn't just watch you sleep, Anna."

Anna opens her mouth and closes it, then she lets out a sigh that turns into a giggle and relaxes into a smile that seems a lot less forced. "So I guess you like holding my hand and watching me sleep," she says. "It's kind of endearing. It's not such a bad thing."

Elsa likes it better when Anna's being playful. "Glad you think so," she says and she actually finds herself smiling. She hasn't _genuinely_ smiled this much since… Well, it's been a while. It's at least as far back as the last time she went ice skating. "It's 8:12 now. You're going to be really late if you don't hurry."

Anna rolls her eyes and slumps down in her bed. "And I thought we were having a moment."

— — —

Elsa doesn't necessarily count the number of times she makes skin-to-skin contact with Anna during her first week of college, but there _is _a running total in her head. It's involuntary, really. She can't remember the last time her parents made contact with her that wasn't over her clothing and now she has Anna chattering her up, smiling and leaning in close, and brushing her fingers over the back of her hand as they study on the floor of their dorm room.

The hand touch is an accident, Elsa thinks. They just went for the bowl of goldfish crackers at the same time. Still, that's touch number thirty-seven.

"It's only the end of week one and bio is _already_ kicking my ass," Anna says.

Elsa keeps looking down at her hand; it's like it's tingling right where Anna touched it. It makes her feel warm inside. "They make videos that show you the process," she finally says, chancing a glance up. Anna's looking at her with a smirk and a quirked brow and it makes her mouth go dry. _Odd. _"It might help seeing the process, could be better than just reading about it."

"What's so special about your hand?" Anna asks. She's smiling in that way that makes Elsa feel comfortable. The smile that makes her eyes light up. It's very welcoming.

"You touched it," Elsa says.

"What," Anna laughs. "So now you got cooties or something?"

"What's that?"

Anna presses her forehead to Elsa's shoulder and sighs. Wait, it's more dramatic than that. It's more like a _deep _sigh. "Dude, where are you _from_?" Anna says lifting her head to meet Elsa's eyes again. There's still a hint of amusement in her stare.

"I was originally from a town just outside Arendelle City," Elsa says. "It was pretty small. We had to move when I was — " She stops short because Anna's giggling now. "What?"

"I wasn't actually asking where you're from."

"Oh. I'm not exactly sure what you're asking then."

Anna huffs, then she blinks a few times and stares hard at Elsa. It feels oddly like an assessment and Elsa stills, not sure what to do or if she should move or not. She's just started to count Anna's freckles when Anna says, "You're really adorable Els, you know that?"

Elsa smiles without meaning to. It's like a reflex — instant and explosive, feels like her cheeks are going to split in half. Her whole body's warm all of a sudden and now she's like, involuntarily fidgety, keeps scratching at the carpet and shifting her weight around because she doesn't know what to do with herself. She feels sort of _bashful_, is the thing — which is a word that's maybe never been able to describe her.

She toys with that thought in her mind for a while and Anna smiles again, her eyes still focused on Elsa, intense and a little determined. She's just staring one moment and then a second later she's leaning in. She's leaning in and she's…_ pressing her lips to Elsa's forehead_.

This is. That's, well. She just. Um.

"Oh." Elsa blinks at Anna, trying to readjust her thoughts. "That's thirty-nine," she says, and perhaps she didn't mean to say that out loud, but. _Fuck_. Or was it thirty-eight? Anna's lips are really, really soft. Elsa can't stop thinking about them.

"That's what?" Anna asks, obviously confused. Then she says, after a few seconds of silence, "I don't think I've ever seen anyone turn this red before."

"_Red?_" Elsa flushes. It comes out a little too loud. She doesn't know what's happening, her heart's definitely beating faster than normal. "Anna, I — uh, I just." She's pretty sure that was the thirty-ninth touch. But, then again, that doesn't feel like the right number. "I mean that's, um." She can't stop fumbling over her words and her voice is sort of airy and light and she barely even recognizes it. She keeps looking at the floor because it suddenly feels… _safe_?

Shit, what number was she on. She could start counting from the beginning. She's sure she remembers all the touches, she hasn't forgotten any. The first touch was the handshake. Then Anna grabbed her hand outside the Cathedral across from the park.

"Els, are you okay?" Elsa tries not to focus on the fact that Anna's voice doesn't sound playful anymore. There was the touch at the party and then there were the four touches on their way back from the party. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to upset you," Anna says. She puts a hand on Elsa's shoulder. "Elsa…_"_

Elsa finds herself pressing her eyes shut like she used to as a kid. She just needs to close her eyes and focus and she'll remember them all. She just needs to focus and she's got it.

It doesn't take long to put the list together after that. It was thirty-eight. The kiss was number thirty-eight.

Elsa opens her eyes slowly, and she feels a bit more like herself. "It's okay," she says. "I'm fine." She looks up and Anna has _the _look, the one Elsa's seen on her mother before, the sad one. "I'm, um. I just — " She doesn't know how to talk about the kiss or the touching in general or how to explain what just happened, so she decides to just say, "You use cucumber shampoo."

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Anna says without missing a beat.

"I…" Elsa's actually not expecting a response that fast. She's silent for a moment, then, "I'm good at smelling things," she says. " — better than most people. I can hear things, too. Like sounds that other people don't normally pick up."

Anna smiles, but it's not her normal one. Elsa can tell something's resting underneath it. "You're kind of like Spiderman, then. You know, with like, the _Spidey _senses."

"No," Elsa says. Spiderman is a _superhero_, and Elsa's the kind of _different _that people talk about when they want to avoid actually saying something's wrong. "I'm just. You _know_," she gestures. "Different."

Anna takes that in for a moment and then she tilts her head and lifts her shoulders to her ears, smiles in a way that makes Elsa want to smile too. "I'm also different."

It's definitely not true, Elsa thinks, but it's nice enough of Anna to say it.

Elsa wants to say something nice back but she's not quite sure what to say or what exactly is _nice_. She nibbles on her lip and takes in a breath before finally saying, "I could set your alarm for you at night if you want. That way you won't have to worry about forgetting."

"Nah, It's okay," Anna says, reaching for the goldfish crackers. "I think I'll remember from now on, but like, even if I _do _forget, I've always got you to wake me."

* * *

><p><strong>Notes: <strong>Basically just wanted to say that I'm still writing Stoplight Party (for the people who are reading/are wondering) okay I just don't have the time to actually sit down and get it out but when I do I will. That's all.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Plot twist - I have um, nothing to say.

**Warning: [**This chapter has like, _mature_ themes. Beware**].**

* * *

><p><em>Baby, I'm just gonna shake shake shake shake shake, shake it off, shake it off…<em>

Elsa groans into her pillow and wonders if she's stuck in a really weird nightmare, or if she's actually living one. She can't quite manage to open her eyes and check, but she's sure it's early and she's (mostly) sure she's awake. Neither fact explains why she's hearing a vaguely familiar song from across the room.

_Heartbreakers gonna break break break break break… _

When Elsa finally decides to chance a peek, her eyes snap open and her ears prick up. That is — Elsa closes her eyes again. That's definitely Anna in the middle of the room with headphones on. Dancing in her _underwear_. Making it the _worst _thing that's ever happened to Elsa. She's pretty sure she's blushing right now — which is absolutely the most frustrating involuntary response to ever exist.

Automatically, six different plans to get out of this situation form in her head. The most obvious one involves shoving her face in her pillow and pretending to be asleep until Anna has to leave the room, but Elsa's hesitant to do that. Firstly, because it'll be very irresponsible. It's 7:12 and she normally gets up at 7:15. If she doesn't get up in three minutes she's breaking her _routine_.

If she breaks the routine her whole day will be off and then it'll just ripple into chaos, assumedly. She can't risk that. Everything's been going so smooth (relatively smooth) and she doesn't want to mess that up. The other reason she doesn't want to fake being asleep is that Anna _knows _she gets up at this time, and if she stays in bed it could potentially make things even more awkward.

Elsa opens one eye again and Anna's still dancing and humming and picking out clothes or something. Still not wearing any pants. Fine. This is completely normal. Anna's just doing her thing. This doesn't have to be weird. No one's making it weird except Elsa and her dumb blushing cheeks and the fact that she's fluttery just from seeing another girl in her underwear.

But if she can just act cool about this, not make a big deal, she can probably get through just about anything relatively okay. Suddenly determined, Elsa rubs her face and rolls out of bed, making sure to keep her eyes focused on the… Anna.

Looking at the sight in front of her, a bit less groggy, she realizes she's miscalculated completely. Being cool about this isn't really an option. Elsa can't look away, and it doesn't make it better that Anna's turned away from her and shaking her ass all over the place because she probably didn't hear Elsa get out of bed. Which — Elsa really needs to fucking look at something else.

Elsa doesn't know what's drawing her in about this particular… body part. It's not like there's anything special about it. Also, she's sure she's seen plenty of other people in their underwear. Well, probably. Her mother, maybe, but — well, her mother isn't really _Anna. _Her mother's never made her buy a journal for fear of forgetting any precious moments they've shared. Which, sounds a little bad when she thinks of it that way, but —

She's just distracting herself from the issue at hand, which is just how turned on she's getting watching Anna dance. Or, um. Well. That _is _what this is, right? There's no other way she can think to describe this, and it's not that she's ever had a reason for using _turned on _when referencing herself, but right now it feels more than fitting.

This is really dumb. Anna's not even being sexy. Well, not sexier than anything she normally does, which, not that Elsa thinks of her that way, but still. Elsa's pretty sure that Anna getting ready in the morning shouldn't make her… she doesn't even want to think it. _Want. _It shouldn't make her want like this. Christ, it's only been three weeks and she barely even knows who she is anymore.

Elsa turns away and shuts her eyes, hoping to just will herself to walk away like this isn't happening. If this doesn't work she'll — actually she has no idea. Panic, probably. Or call her mother. What would she even say? She's never had to… well, she's really not sure how to describe this. Shit, if she doesn't say anything to Anna it's going to be like the time Anna caught her watching her sleep, only this time she's going to catch Elsa staring at her ass, and maybe that's worse.

Elsa doesn't want to find out.

She opens her eyes again and, against her better judgement, she walks toward Anna and taps her shoulder. Anna's so startled that she snatches her headphones off and whips around fast enough that her hair almost hits Elsa. Then she only manages to blink in confusion for a few seconds.

"Anna, it's just me," Elsa says quickly.

Anna settles instantly, and slowly lets her arms drop and relax at her sides. Elsa not entirely sure, but she thinks that as soon as Anna registers it's just Elsa, a soft smile spreads across her face and her glittering eyes look mostly amused. Elsa can't help but smile back at her.

"I hope I didn't wake you," Anna says, and lifts her hand to awkwardly tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. Something possesses Elsa to reach over and grab her hand before she can. Anna quirks a brow but doesn't fight it. She never does, much prefers to just let Elsa do her weird things. A very convenient quality of hers.

"No, I was just. I was getting up and I _saw_ you," Elsa emphasizes.

Anna's really not grasping what Elsa's getting at. She just nods slowly, eyes darting from her hand still caught in Elsa's, to Elsa's face. "Oh, okay. Glad I didn't disturb your sleep then."

"Yeah," Elsa says, and then she looks down. It's an accident, really, but she doesn't quite look back up quick enough for everything not to suddenly be obvious.

Anna just does the slow blink thing, mouth slightly open. In an outrageous attempt to stay focused, Elsa squeezes Anna's hand a little, or maybe a bit harder than she intends. Anna shifts her weight from one leg to the other, and it's not that Elsa expects her to be fully clothed in the room at all times, but the fact that Anna isn't wearing any pants right now is making everything a little more dramatic.

Elsa grimaces and lets go of Anna's hand, swallows three times and clenches her fists until her nails are digging hard enough into her palms to snap her out of her daze. "I need a shower," she says. "I mean, this is when I shower… normally."

She's said it — she's going to go shower. Now she's just got to move. She can walk away. She can — _Fuck._

Anna whispers, "Elsa," and all of a sudden they're in this supercharged moment, where they can't look away from each other and every single place that Anna's ever touched on Elsa feels like it's burning. With each day that passes Elsa feels more drawn to Anna, oddly. She can't keep her eyes off of her, even in a room full of people, even when other people seem to notice she's staring, even when she fucking knows she's being weird. It's just that Anna never points it out or says anything about it or even acts bothered by it. And whenever Elsa seems to have too many thoughts running at once, looking at Anna alway seems to make everything… quiet.

_Can you feel the love tonight. The peace the evening brings — _"Oh my God," Anna says and grabs at her headphones. "Are my headphones really this loud? Shit, Els. Did I actually wake you up? I'm surprised I'm not deaf at this point."

Anna starts laughing, and if Elsa were any less tense she'd laugh along with her, but as it is she's just trying really hard not to stare at Anna's lips for too long. "I only woke up three minutes early, it's fine."

"Yeah but you already wake up _two hours _early, so now you have even less sleep."

"It's fine, really," Elsa assures her. "Three minutes isn't really much."

Anna shakes her head and gives Elsa a disappointed look. "You need those three minutes, Els. I say you get back in bed and in three minutes if you want to get up, _then _you can go shower."

"Anna — "

"Els, _please_," Anna begs, blinking at Elsa prettily. Elsa will not fall for that. She's not getting back in bed. For good reason too. Anna follows it up with, "You're _kill_ing me."

Elsa would think of something else to say but somehow Anna's hands find themselves on Elsa's waist and she starts nudging her back toward the bed.

"I'm not going back to sleep," Elsa says, and she's giggling now. "I'm up already and I need to shower." She really does _need _to. It's urgent now, there's a lot of heat coming from somewhere in her body that needs to be dissipated. "Will you be happy if I sit in bed for three minutes _after _I shower?"

Anna tilts her head and purses her lips dramatically to show she's considering the idea. "Fine," she says. "I can live with that. But when you get back there are no excuses."

"Deal."

— — —

One night Anna asks, "Hey you wanna bunk our beds?" and two days later they're standing in the middle of the largest furniture store Elsa's ever been in, looking for a chair or something to put in the empty space where Anna's bed once was. Anna got the top bunk, partly because she excitedly called top bunk as soon as Elsa agreed, and partly because Elsa's pretty sure she'd be afraid to sleep out of fear of falling out of bed if she was on top. At least now Elsa can't be tempted to creepily stand over Anna and watch her as she sleeps.

She's still figuring out how she feels about this bed situation, but right now all she's really focused on is this furniture store. It's _huge_ and it has levels and a food court and they had to stand in a line to get in and there are people _everywhere_. It's basically a disaster because the couple quietly fighting over couch swatches is making it really hard for Elsa to focus. There's also just the general uncomfortableness of being in a place this big and with so many people and the fact that all of the furniture feels weird. Dirty.

"What do you mean, dirty?" Anna asks patiently.

Elsa stands next to the chair she just stood up from, trying to put it into words. It's like — "I can. Other people have touched it a lot," she says, quietly enough that no one can overhear. "I don't like it, it doesn't feel new."

Anna nods like that makes perfect sense and says, "We don't have to get anything from here." Elsa can't actually focus on the conversation because there's so much going on around her, but Anna takes her hand and everything else somehow feels less important. "Maybe we can try buying something online?"

"But we borrowed Kristoff's truck, and now we're not going to use it," Elsa says. She doesn't really need to hear Anna's response to that. She knows Anna got the truck to potentially bring back a chair, but mostly she got it so Elsa wouldn't have to navigate the city using public transportation. She's pretty considerate of Elsa's feelings like that.

"Don't worry about it, there're more options online anyway."

Online actually works a lot better. Elsa can just point and click and charge her credit card and then arrange for delivery. Once Elsa gets the hang of that she can't really stop. She can have anything on Amazon shipped to her the next day and she never has to worry about lines or people or strangers making small talk.

She starts off by getting three tank tops, and then a scarf and some food and another journal and loads of books. She gets another lamp for the room and a water pitcher to keep in the fridge. She's halfway to spending a small fortune when she gets a call from her father.

"Elsa you have to control yourself," her father tells her for the millionth time in her life. "You know you can be impulsive sometimes."

"Sorry," Elsa says. "I just got carried away. I know." She really does know.

"How's the roommate?"

"She touches my skin," Elsa says like she's proud of it. She can _feel _her father's tension at that, but she's mostly overwhelmed by the _joy_ she feels from saying it out loud, pure and clean, flushing through her brain and driving all other thoughts away. "I like it."

"Elsa…," her father says, and his concern is so strong that Elsa feels like she can reach through the phone and touch it. She doesn't get why he's concerned, though. "You have to be careful with people, you know that."

Elsa doesn't want to have this conversation anymore. "I'm really tired," she says. "I'm gonna — go to bed."

Sure, maybe Elsa has some feelings she's never had before, but that isn't a reason to be concerned. She's actually being social for once so people should be happy. She has a friend; she's completely fine. Or at least, she thinks she is, until Anna comes in at 12:05 and starts getting ready for bed.

It wakes Elsa up and once Elsa's awake she can't go back to sleep for a while, because her body's primed and ready to go. She worked hard to make sure she can wake up like that, have her body respond to orders perfectly. It helps when keeping with the routine. It's just inconvenient now, though. Anna's turned the closet light on for vision and she's taking forever to get settled.

And that is — not _again_. Elsa closes her eyes. Yes, that was Anna's bare back, and Elsa's pretty sure Anna's taking off her bra now. She rolls over and presses her eyes shut even harder, maybe if she just doesn't open them it'll trick her body into falling asleep again. It's the only thing she can think to do. Maybe she's... she doesn't know why she's so _attracted _to Anna. Why her body feels this way, why it wakes up like _this_, like it's on fire all of a sudden. She feels tense and warm and fluttery all over again. Like when she first saw Anna in her underwear. It's not fucking fair, she didn't ask for this.

Anna finally gets herself in bed and Elsa tells herself sternly that now there's no reason for her not to go to sleep. She has her pillow and her blanket. And sleeping's important. She can —

Anna sighs, and Elsa honestly and truly wants to die. It's just that Anna's so pretty and basically perfect and Elsa… Well, she's never like… she's never _touched _herself before, she really hasn't, because it's just — well, it's something she doesn't do. Or at least, that's what she used to think. Now… now, the only thing she's sure of is that even if she tries, she'll probably be bad at it. But she _has _to do something to release the tension that keeps building inside of her.

She starts to slide a hand down when Anna says, "Elsa?"

_Crap._

"Yes? Huh? I'm um. I have to sleep." Elsa pulls her hand up and shoves it under her pillow to keep it from doing anything else.

"Sorry," Anna whispers. "I just wanted to know if you're doing anything Saturday. Like if you wanted to go to the movies?"

Oh. Anna wants to hang out. That's good, great even. Especially if it's just them, if they get to be alone and Elsa gets to see Anna's eyes light up when Anna gives her that "I'm humoring you, crazy" smile...

Oh, great. That definitely doesn't help. Elsa bites her lip and swivels her hips underneath the covers a little.

"I can go to the movies," she says.

"Okay, good," Anna says, sounding oddly relieved. "Goodnight, then."

Elsa mumbles, "goodnight," then she reaches down between her legs, because she can't help it at this point, and she presses... actually she's not sure where she presses because she's not quite sure what she's doing. It's somewhere that feels good, though. She has to turn her face in her pillow to keep from squeaking embarrassingly. She doesn't want Anna to hear because Anna probably knows things and she probably has more experience and maybe she's even had sex before or something. That's really no reason for Elsa to be melting into a puddle right now. It's stupid.

She keeps touching herself anyway.

She knows about orgasms, obviously, she's not that out of the loop. That isn't what happens to her though, not this time. There isn't enough... energy, or something for that. She just sort of keeps going until she feels a little less... _on edge._ Whatever. It works, and afterwards Elsa pulls her covers up to her nose and stares at the wall trying to piece her feelings and thoughts together. It's a lot to muddle through but, thankfully, she's starting to feel a little tired.

Right before she goes to sleep again she realizes that she's never been to the movies with a friend before.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **hey thanks for all the reviews and stuff, really appreciate it. also, just thanks for like reading the story in general.

**Warnings: [**Elsa has a bit of a panic attack**].**

* * *

><p>Being at the movies makes Elsa feel the way she did the first day she had to go to her new school back when she was a kid — silent, tense, and on edge with her mom in her ear constantly reassuring her that "everything's okay, this is going to be fun". Except it's not her mom this time, it's Anna.<p>

"Huh," Elsa says, and checks her surroundings again like maybe something's changed. Nothing has. They're still standing in the food line. She can still hear the guy behind her constantly clearing his throat and tapping his foot.

"I said it's okay," Anna says, and smiles wide. "It's going to be great, this movie has amazing reviews."

Elsa knows it does. She's Googled it fifteen times and watched every trailer and read every review she could find. She's prepared, even knows the twist in the end so she's not blindsided. She also knows most of the inconsistencies that people have found so far, so she won't be constantly irritated by plot holes. She's not really _that _concerned about being at the movies. Her nerves are about something else this time. Okay, her nerves are a little about being at the movies, but not _entirely_.

It's just.

She likes touching Anna. That's not really news, she's known that since the first day they met. But it's weird; her entire life she's avoided touching anyone — parents included. Especially parents. Touching is something that hurts and it's dangerous and it makes her anxious. She can remember the time she almost fell ice skating and her coach grabbed her waist. His hand landed on a patch of her skin and it was so cold that it somehow burned. She'd been six at the time but she can remember it like it happened an hour ago. It still makes her leg twitch and her hands clench.

In a way it makes sense that she likes the comfort she gets from touching Anna, though. It's what she's been searching for her whole life and it somehow makes being in college more bearable. But it doesn't make sense that she likes sitting close to Anna, their sides touching, her hand on Anna's thigh. It doesn't make sense that she'd rather slide her hand up and down Anna's arm, feeling the smooth skin underneath her fingertips, than just rest her fingers lightly on Anna's hand. It makes no sense at all, but it feels good, and Elsa — Elsa's letting herself do it. She doesn't really have ice skating anymore. She deserves to have this.

Well, maybe. She _knows _she should ask. If asking is even an option, then it's always the right decision to do so. And if she's being completely honest with herself, Anna's not completely unbothered by the whole thing. Sometimes she shivers, sometimes she twitches or moves Elsa's hand somewhere else. She never says it's not okay, though. But like. Elsa should really probably ask.

So she does. They're sitting in the front of the theater because it's the section with the least amount of people. Things are exploding on the screen. Honestly it's a little (a lot) too loud for Elsa's tastes, but Anna seems to be interested.

"Does it bother you?" Elsa asks.

Anna glances over at her. "What, the movie?" she says, a bit surprised. "Not really. I mean none of it is real, so it's cool."

"Not the _movie_," Elsa says, trying to be patient. "I mean like — " And then she runs her hand along Anna's arm again.

Anna starts smiling like Elsa's said something funny. "Did someone say something to you or something?"

"No."

"Well it's pretty much been like this since we met," Anna says. "Why are you asking about it _now_?"

Elsa has no idea what Anna's maybe implying, but she thinks she understands the question fine enough. "It just came across my mind, you know. My mom told me since I didn't hang out with people a lot, that there's a lot of stuff I haven't learned." She'd named off a really long list of things, but Elsa can't remember most because she'd been distracted by a message blinking on the computer screen. Someone needed to check it. "Like facial expressions and body language and stuff. She said there are certain ways people talk when they want to mean something or another and I won't be able to pick up on hints. So I'm asking."

Anna laughs a little. "And you pick now to ask?"

"Um, yeah."

"I'm fine with it, now." Anna says. "It's okay, Els." She places her hand over Elsa's for a moment and gives her a smile, then she turns back to the movie.

Elsa thinks about that for ten whole minutes while some guy fights an alien or something and nearly destroys an entire house, and then she turns to Anna again. "You said now. So, it wasn't okay _before_?"

Anna sighs. "It's always been okay. I was just confused for a while."

"Why were you confused?" Elsa's normally the confused one.

Anna looks at Elsa, looks away again, and then takes in a breath. "When people touch me like this," Anna says after a long pause, "… they usually want something more, you know? Like they're attracted to me or maybe want to have sex with me. But I'm pretty sure you don't want that. I'm not exactly sure what you want, but I think I get it now. You're just like — " And then Anna's voice is drowned out by yet another explosion on the movie screen.

Elsa's barely able to process that. "I've never had sex before," she says. "I'd like, um. I think all the touching maybe won't be so great. And it would hurt or something."

"Yeah," Anna says. "So, I know it's not what you want. I was just a little confused, like I said."

"But you aren't anymore."

"Nope. Not anymore." Anna stares at Elsa for a few seconds, then she looks away again.

Elsa spends the rest of the movie trying to imagine Anna being touched like that by someone else. A boy, probably. She tries to picture the kind of boy Anna would like — tall, muscles or something, blonde hair maybe. Really funny and totally not awkward at all. He'd probably smile a lot and be really nice to Anna. Elsa imagines his big hands moving on Anna's just like this, pictures his fingers and his skin that's maybe rougher than hers. But she doesn't really know what comes next. It makes her feel kind of weird, like something's crawling along her skin. So in the end she just tries to figure out which questions will be on the Biology midterm.

When the movie's over, Anna doesn't move right away. Elsa's about to ask what's wrong, but Anna turns to her and says, "How exactly do you feel when… I mean, why does it. Why _do_ you like touching me?"

It's probably the… last thing Elsa expects Anna to ask.

"I feel…" She takes in a breath. But then, like always, she gets stuck. She knows she has feelings, she's not _broken_, she just doesn't know how to put them into words. There's so many different feelings out there, and she's struggling to nicely label the ones she has in her head. She can't figure out what to call them because she just _feels_, overwhelmingly and constantly, and when it comes to Anna, she doesn't even know what's going on in her own head most of the time.

"I don't, I don't mean it to sound creepy," Anna stutters, her face paling. "I just mean that. Well, sometimes I can see you like, getting lost in your own head… if that makes sense. And then if I grab your hand it's like, it pulls you back. Thats how I know you holding my hand or holding onto my arm or you touching me at all isn't like a _flirty_ thing. But, I'm not entirely sure _what _it is."

Elsa continues to flail for a while, not entirely sure what to say or how to put anything into words. She _does _manage to land on something concrete that she's fairly sure of after a while, though. "Maybe it's a little bit of a _flirty _thing," she says.

"Oh," Anna says and her cheeks flush red. Elsa knows exactly how she feels when Anna says something that makes her own cheeks do that. She's instantly smiley and fluttery herself, and content enough to spend the rest of the night sitting here next to Anna if she can. Maybe everyone was wrong, maybe she's not so bad at this socializing thing.

— — —

Except she's not so good at it when everything is going wrong.

The problem is that she doesn't know what's going to be on this Biology midterm and it's the first one she's had in college and she's minutes away from having it placed in front of her. Elsa sits in her spot and just stares ahead — her thoughts racing too fast to try and focus enough to last minute study like everyone around her. She finds herself digging her hand into Anna's thigh, under the little flippy desk thing, down where no one else can see it, so she can at least keep her face calm and neutral while she's slightly panicking. She has no control right now and its absolutely awful.

"You look like you could freeze hell if you wanted to," Anna says. Then she laughs like she doesn't know the world is ending. Or that Elsa's world is ending at least.

"I'm fine," Elsa says, and proves her point by tightening her grip on Anna's thigh.

Anna clears her throat and shifts in her seat. "You're the smartest person I know. I should be the one worrying about this test."

"Then why aren't you?"

"Because _you _tutored me," Anna says, nudging Elsa's shoulder with her forehead. "I feel like I'm more prepared than most of the class right now. Which means like, I don't know. _You _could probably pass this in your sleep."

That's physically impossible. Elsa can't do anything in her sleep. She doesn't say that though. It's probably just like one of those things people say for effect. It's not helping. She just stays silent until she gets the test and then she spends too much time on the first two problems and then spends most of the day thinking about how she probably fucked something up, but can't figure out _what._

She can't sit still when she finally makes it back to the room, keeps pacing around, straightening things, making sure the sheets are the same length on both sides of her bed, fixing and rehanging and fixing and rehanging everything in her closet. Over and over and over again until Anna eventually has to say something about it.

"Take a seat, Els," Anna says. "You're making me nervous." Elsa sits, but soon she starts shaking her leg constantly, can't hold still. Anna sighs, worriedly, and climbs off the top bunk to sit next to Elsa, flattening her hand on Elsa's knee. "Tell me what's wrong."

Elsa's kind of immediately angry with Anna, immediately wants to yell at her, and it takes a lot of effort to bite that back. After a while she says, "I don't _know_," and something sounds off about her voice even to her own ears.

Anna just shrugs. "What are you thinking about right now?"

And that does it, suddenly Elsa's thinking about a million things that have probably gone wrong and a _billion _things that probably will go wrong, so just — _fuck _Anna. Shit, she doesn't mean that. She shouldn't think it. Elsa tries her best to focus on something else, but for once in her life her emotions are entirely in control of her and she wishes more than anything that she could go back to just not feeling. It's not just the midterm, it's like everything's building up and Elsa's just — she's having a _moment_.

Anna waits, watches her, and eventually Elsa forces herself to say, "I just can't handle stress that well, Anna. Everything gets all messed up in my head and jumbled together." She wraps her arms around her torso and hunches over her knees, eyes closed, wishing she could just punch this feeling out of herself or something.

After five minutes, maybe ten, Anna wraps her arm around Elsa's back and pulls her up, then she pulls her… _in_. And it's a lot of contact, sort of all at once. Anna's arms are wrapped tight around Elsa and Elsa can hear the sound of her throat, the way she's breathing. She can feel Anna's heart beating and it doesn't all make her want to get away. She just wants to get _closer_, the warmth is welcoming and — she can't stop thinking that the last person to hold her this firmly was her mother and she can't figure out why her mother ever stopped doing this. Why her mother ever stopped _hugging_ her.

Sure she's a little fidgety about having her arm rubbed or being patted on the back, but being hugged isn't like that… it's _different_. Elsa doesn't really know how to describe it, but she's like, instantly calm. Anna's smell is also filling every inch of Elsa's nose because, yeah she's been close to Anna before, but never this close, never had her nose actually shoved in Anna's hair, in the crook of Anna's neck.

Finally Elsa unwraps her arms from around her own body; she doesn't have to hold herself anymore, can let Anna do it. She can _trust _Anna to do it. Anna's not going to hurt her because Anna's touches aren't the same as everyone else's. Elsa's still hyperaware of them, but it's not irritation that she feels at the contact. It's another one of those feelings she can't put into words. And that's okay with her right now.

"Do you…," Anna starts, in what seems to be a question, then she switches up and says, "You're going to go to bed now, alright?"

Elsa doesn't respond immediately, just stays in the hug. The minutes stretch out, but Anna doesn't try to fill them. She understands about needing time to think everything through. Elsa still can't figure it out, exactly, how she's feeling — but she's doing a lot better than she was twenty minutes ago. "Am I making you stressed?" If so, then Elsa's actually kind of — really not okay with that. She doesn't want to make Anna stressed out.

"No, not _stressed_," Anna says. "You just scare me sometimes."

And suddenly Anna's hand in Elsa's hair is the most important thing in the world right now. Elsa's pulse is accelerating like it used to right before she hit the ice for a competition as a kid. Anna keeps running her hand through Elsa's hair and Elsa's blinks are longer than she wants them to be. It's just so nice being pressed against Anna.

Anna looks down at her. Elsa can't read her expression at all, and she really, really wants to be able to. "You're going to sleep now," Anna says, and smiles in Elsa's favorite way.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Hey everyone, hope you're having a great year. Thanks for all the feedback on this, it's wonderful. Anyway, if you live in a cold wintery place, stay warm pls.

Enjoy (8

* * *

><p>Elsa calls her mother straight away when she wakes up. It's not so much about having a little breakdown, it's that she got over it all on her own, or rather, with Anna's help. She wants to tell her mother she's fine, or better yet, <em>prove<em> it to her with this. She still knows there'll be a period after she mentions the breakdown where her mother freaks out about everything and gets all worried, but hopefully she'll be reassured. Hopefully she won't have to worry about Elsa as much anymore. And that's really all Elsa's ever wanted for her, ever since that day in that nurse's office, ever since her mother started looking so sad.

Other than that, she figures she needs to call her mother in general, sort of routine to assure her she's not dead or something. Still, Elsa gives the conversation no more than five minutes before her mother starts in with the overwhelming questions.

She doesn't get that long.

As soon as her mother picks up the phone (it's after the third ring, she was probably asleep. _Fuck_), she says, "Elsa what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Elsa tells her. It's true, actually the opposite.

"You're calling at six in the morning," her mother says, and her tone's neutral, but Elsa knows her better than that, can sense some kind of feeling underneath it. She's just not entirely sure what it is.

"Wanted to tell you something good happened, is all. I couldn't wait, called you as soon as I woke up."

Her mother doesn't respond right away. Elsa knows she's probably ticking down a list of possibilities, wants to stay in front of Elsa, afraid to fall a step behind and not be prepared. It's only just in case. Elsa gets it. "Does it have to do with Anna?"

Elsa hesitates. "Mom, I — "

"Your father told me what you said about her, and I." She pauses like it's hard speaking this, which makes Elsa sink into herself a bit because she knows what's coming. "It's just that you've been afraid of being touched your whole life — "

"I'm not _afraid_," Elsa snaps. "I just don't like it."

"Right, of course. All I'm saying is you need to be careful, okay? I'm just being a mother, here. I worry about you."

"You don't have to," Elsa says flatly. "I'm doing fine all by myself." That's maybe taking it a step too far. She's found something — someone — that helps her get through the day, but well, she still needs help getting through the day. She doesn't bother bringing any of that up to her mother, though.

"I know you're doing fine," her mother says, voice still casual even though Elsa knows her thoughts are anything but right now.

"I'm sorry," Elsa whispers. "I know that you worry, but — but worrying so much isn't going to fix me. It just makes me like, not better."

"You're not _broken_, Elsa."

"Then why do you keep acting like it?" Elsa asks. And then there's silence, so she just continues. "I'm trying to tell you I have a friend, and if there's nothing wrong with me, then why does that sound so bad to you?" Elsa clutches at her sheets mindlessly, trying hard to wrap her mind around this whole thing. "Why does me having a friend scare you so much?"

She just doesn't get it. She doesn't fucking get it no matter which way she approaches it, she can't figure out why having a friend is all of a sudden so bad.

"I'm here _whenever_ you need me, okay? I need you to know that." And that doesn't answer any of Elsa's questions, and it's like… It's like it always is, when there's something that Elsa's obviously not getting and no one wants to tell her and it's not fucking fair because —

She hangs up the phone. She can't handle this.

She doesn't bother calling again for the rest of the week, she needs to cool off, needs to let everything clear out so they can avoid either one of them having a breakdown. It's easier talking to her father in a way. It's hard to explain, but he doesn't necessarily treat her like she's different. He treats her more like — more like she's normal and just failing at everything.

For some reason Elsa likes that better.

— — —

Anna's absence one night wakes Elsa up. It's a little complicated, but it's like — sometimes when things are too quiet, it's just the same as when they're too _loud_. Elsa never heard the door click from Anna coming in late, and her breathing's not present or how she constantly twists in her sheets. So, there must be some part of Elsa that notices it because she jerks out of her sleep and sits upright. For a second she's not even sure where she is or what's going on, but then she gets it.

It's two in the morning and Anna still hasn't come back — something must be wrong.

Elsa knows this shouldn't be happening. Her and Anna have a really good understanding and if Anna's going to be out she'll say something about it. But people forget things all the time, they're not like Elsa. They don't always remember stuff so well; she _also_ knows that. Anna's probably just out having fun or something. It _is_ Friday night… or Saturday morning. Elsa needs to go back to sleep.

She's not going back to sleep, thinking about this. Worrying about it. She gets out of bed and walks across the room, shoving her hands over her ears because the silence just keeps reminding her of the problem and she can't think straight. If she closes her eyes like this, it's like she's not in the room anymore, just in her head, which — sometimes can be scarier, but right now it's better. There are things she can do, things she _should_ do, before she skips straight to panicking. She should maybe… call Anna or something. Yeah, that's it.

Elsa forgets she's pacing, forgets she's in her room, just gets lost deep in her head. So deep, in fact, that it takes her a while to hear the knocks at the door, to hear the voices outside. Anna's voice. It's kind of… soothing, actually. She's drawn to it without even noticing, feet already heading that way without her having to tell them to.

When she opens the door Anna's just standing there holding on to Kristoff. Elsa takes a closer look; no, Anna's _drunk_, and Kristoff's making sure she doesn't fall over. She's so relieved Anna showed up, it takes her a while to put it all together — parties and drinking and things Elsa doesn't like, but Anna does. And there's nothing wrong with that, except maybe someone wasn't watching Anna as closely as Elsa does, didn't know that Anna shouldn't drink too much because she can't hold it. They should've paid more attention, it's what good friends do. Which, it makes Elsa sort of frustrated with Kristoff.

But he brushes past her too fast for her to think of something to say, and then he's pouring Anna into Elsa's bed. It's probably because it's the one on the bottom, but, the thing is — it's _Elsa__'__s_ bed. She's still standing as motionless as a statue, trying to figure out how to tell Kristoff these things, when he leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.

It's fine, really. She'll just sleep in Anna's bed. It's no big deal. Everything's okay. Anna's back. But Anna's in her bed. But that's okay. But maybe Anna needs water, or what if she pukes. It's going to be on Elsa's bed. But it's fine. She just has to, um, she just. Elsa squeezes her eyes shut, but she can't make it work, can't find the place in her head that's not loud and chaotic and confusing. She's struggling, taking deep breaths, trying to force her brain back on track, but she keeps bouncing all over the place.

Elsa's losing focus. She's fucking up.

There's her mother and Anna and Kristoff and the drinks and her bed and friends and tests and then there's her father in her head screaming.

_Just snap out of it Elsa, just fucking snap out of it! Just. Snap. Out. Of. It._

And she can't. She never can, but he doesn't understand that and she doesn't know how to explain it to him exactly.

"You can't what?" Elsa jumps at the voice because this one isn't coming from her head, it's from _Anna_. She looks around the room until her eyes adjust to being open again. "You keep saying you can't," Anna says. "You can't what?"

Anna sits up, sways a bit, then presses her thumb and forefinger to her forehead. She sighs when Elsa doesn't speak. "You probably don't want me in your bed," she says after a while. "I'll just, um, I'll sleep on the floor."

"No, don't," Elsa blurts, because that's rude. Anna shouldn't have to sleep on the floor, and it's probably not safe for her to be climbing anything in her state. Elsa should just sleep in —

"Get in the bed with me, then."

"What?" That's, um. Elsa's never been more, seriously, _what_.

"My mind's all fuzzy right now, and I can't get in _your _head if I can't even get mine all straightened out." Anna yawns and scratches at her shoulder, then she focuses hard on a spot on the floor before looking up. "So if like, if you need to hold my hand to get back to sleep, then get in the bed, Els. We can sort everything out in the morning."

Elsa — she doesn't want to say no, is the thing. It's not like she's ever thought about sleeping in the bed with Anna or with anyone for that matter, but if it stops everything from being so chaotic for a while, then it's good. Has to be good.

Anna sticks out her hand and Elsa walks over. She hesitates before she takes it, because maybe it won't work this time. It's never been this bad before around Anna and maybe Anna can't help. Maybe everything's gone to shit. It's a scary thought, but it's a real one. An honest one.

Elsa's about to pull away when Anna leans forward and latches their hands for her.

And it's not. Things aren't _instantly _clearer like they normally are, no, but they are more… it's like they're less hectic. Everything's still floating around, but she can think about them one at a time now, without them bouncing back and forth — if that makes sense.

She climbs on the bed and inches as close to the wall as possible, waits for Anna to lie down before she asks, "Why weren't people watching out for you, making sure you didn't drink too much?"

Anna's quiet for a while, breathing in and out slowly. "I think sometimes people are only focused on themselves, you know? They don't notice what's happening around them."

"I notice things," Elsa says. "Lots of things."

"Yeah," Anna says, quieter this time. "You set my alarm every time I forget to."

Elsa doesn't say anything else, just watches Anna as she nods off. She waits until Anna's really asleep, her body barely moving, snoring lightly, and then finally closes her eyes and starts to drift. And for the most part, it's peaceful.

She doesn't know how long she's out, clutching Anna's hand, but at some point she feels the hand slip away and she slowly blinks her eyes open. She looks up and Anna's stretching out her arms, standing next to the bed looking down at Elsa.

"Are you coming back?" Elsa asks.

Anna smiles and nods. "Of course."

And this is what Elsa really wanted to tell her mother about. _This_ feeling. The happy one. The one that means she shouldn't worry anymore.


End file.
